


Not Actually the Danger Zone

by zetsubonna



Series: All American Bicycle [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ban Brokeback References, Cultural Differences, Gen, Homophobic Language, Pop Culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2014-11-25
Packaged: 2018-02-26 23:37:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2670638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zetsubonna/pseuds/zetsubonna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ANONYMOUS ASKED:<br/>Prompt: After the events of The Avengers, when Steve hasn't had much time to learn about the modern world, Tony gives him a bunch of movies he has to watch as "research" with a little information about each. One of the first is Brokeback Mountain, it's just listed as a 'western' because Tony is an ass. Up till now pretty much all anyone's bothered to tell Steve about gay rights is that it's not technically illegal any more.</p><p>Zetsubonna's note: I actually flipping hate Brokeback because it's nonsense, so I subbed in Top Gun, which is actually much funnier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Actually the Danger Zone

He had the notebook, of course, and then, because SHIELD insisted, he had his phone, and email.

Naturally, Stark would hack into SHIELD to get his email address, but he was surprisingly quiet. Steve had been expecting something more intrusive, initially, because Stark was nothing if not obnoxious, but all he had sent was a collection of things for Steve to put in his notebook.

Steve wondered who had told Stark about the notebook. He decided it didn’t matter.

He had heard some of Stark’s music before, so he didn’t expect to like any of it, but he was trying to get some sense of the evolution of music over the past seven decades, and it wouldn’t kill him. He did a little research on the band names and the tracks in particular that Stark had recommended and sat back on the couch, brows furrowed thoughtfully as he went through the playlist.

It wasn’t bad, actually. Steve was surprised by how good it was, and then felt vaguely guilty for underestimating Stark’s ability to make a gesture. He was all about gestures, after all, never subtle. He took note of the ones he liked best- Jimi Hendrix, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Doors, Queen and Pink Floyd, in no particular order, and listed them on the mail he was sending back.

 _I’m working on movies, too,_  Steve wrote.  _Natasha insisted I do at least four eighties films this weekend, since I’m not busy. I’ve got Heathers, Blade Runner, and When Harry Met Sally. Suggestions?_

The answer came back in less than ten minutes, which made Steve smile and shake his head. Tony must have had his computer waiting for Steve’s reply. His suggestion, unlike Natasha’s, Clint’s and Sharon’s, didn’t come with any notes, just a title:  _Top Gun_.

Steve was getting better at multitasking as he got used to it. He made dinner on Friday while he watched  _Heathers_  and texted Natasha-  _Why does the combination of slick one-liners, murder and gratuitous explosions not surprise me at all coming from you?-_ then worked on his secret knitting project for Sam on Saturday while watching  _Blade Runner_ -  _Holy shit, Barton, this is amazing. Is the novel good?_  - and tried not to laugh too loudly that night as he and Sharon messaged each other while both streaming her pick at the same time-  _Okay, this is_ my _kind of movie, but I didn’t picture_ you _as a romantic comedy type of lady. You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you, neighbor?_

So it was Sunday afternoon when Tony got the next message.

_Is this movie queer on purpose?_

_What?!_

_Is it? Or is it an accident? It is the Navy._

_Cap? Has your computer been taken over by someone else?_

_Either way makes sense. The Navy’s always been pretty queer._

_Should I call you? Is this a conversation that requires the nuance of vocal tone? What the everloving fuck, mon Capitan?_

_It’s not on purpose at all, is it? I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse._

_Steve._

_What?_

_Why would you even ask me if it’s “queer on purpose?” Also, I don’t think that’s the appropriate word._

_Why wouldn’t it be? What should I be saying? Homoerotic? “Is this movie intentionally homoerotic?” That sounds kind of pretentious, but you still haven’t answered the question._

_Also what does that even mean, “the Navy’s always been pretty queer”?  
_

_I’m Army, and I’m from DUMBO. I associate sailors with queer on all fronts. Ask Rhodey: the Navy is queer._

_Rhodey doesn’t believe me that you told me to ask him. He’s just laughing so hard he’s spitting all over his comm. Also, what does DUMBO have to do with anything?!_

_Are you ser—- Tony! You live in NYC!_

_I’m not FROM here. Anyway, Manhattan._

_Christ, aren’t you always telling me to Google before I ask stupid questions? History Lesson, Tin Man: Brooklyn ’20s-’40s was immigrant, poor, and queer. Esp. DUMBO. DUMBO = QUEER. Sailors came to DUMBO to solicit because it’s right by the Navy Yard. Ergo, Navy = Queer. Any guys I knew butch enough to pass muster went Navy, also, so there is that._

_And Army?_

_Intra-service humor. Army & Marines: Stupid. Marines & Navy: Queer. Air Force: flashy and compensating for something with extra firepower._

_That explains Rhodey. B-)_

_Wilson says anybody who thinks Air Force can’t back up that flash with substance is so stupid they belong in the Army/Marines._

_Wilson is a gift._

_Damn right. So: Top Gun. Intentionally or unintentionally queer?_

_Unintentionally. Also not why I sent it to you._

_Was wondering. Cruise is too short and Edwards’ mustache is ridiculous._

_Wait, what?_

_**I’m**   **from DUMBO.** See also: why _I _am allowed to call things queer._

_…Oh. I am also allowed, occasionally. Buy you a drink? ;-)_

_One of us is too old for the other, you have a girlfriend, and if I were going for a guy who can fly, well. You said it: Wilson is a gift._

_I hope you’ve already told him, because this is going on my Twitter stream. Somebody needs to defrost that Capsicle._

_Goddammit. Tony, no! >:-( The status of the Capsicle is none of your business. Even if it were your business, it would not be Twitter’s business, which is a large part of the reason it isn’t your business._

_Wait, what?_

_Cap. Cap, you can’t stop the conversation there._

_Steve. Answer me._

_Steeeeeve._

_Steve, I can program my AI to keep texting you until you answer._

* * *

 

@TonyStark(verified): Captain America just trolled me and then blocked my number. I don’t know if I’m appalled or turned on.

@CaptainAmerica(verified): I have no idea what he’s talking about.


End file.
